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 Post subject: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:35 am 
^


Last edited by Sir_Michael on Tue Oct 05, 2010 3:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:46 am 
Michael,

Can I ever relate!!! Wow, where to start. How about my most recent experience with this topic?

I received an email from a woman who had read my book and didn't like it. I knew at some point those emails had to come, as no one can get only glowing reviews. I could tell by what she wrote that she was older, and so I asked her to help me out to better understand my demographic by telling me her age and where she was from, how she found me, etc. As I suspected she was probably 60-ish and I know that's not my audience. She had attended a teleclass I did and was impressed with my information, which made her buy my book. She is also an educator and works with women, so she felt we were on the same page.

This is the part that bothered me, not that she didn't like my book, but this: She said something to the effect that there were these air brushed pictures of me in my book and that it was going against what I preached. Well, there are no airbrushed pics of me in my book!! In fact, I INSISTED that they be left completely unretouched, exactly as they came from the photographer, and they are.

Now what bothered me was the assumption, and it triggered old stuff about my outer beauty and getting way too much attention for it since I was a child, which is why I began to try to hide it and avoid it. I wanted always to be seen for what was INSIDE me first, for the outer not to matter. I paid attention to how charged I got at the woman's assumption, and a part of me felt, for a moment, apologetic, and like maybe I should have used different pics. Then I stopped myself. That's how I look. I did my ordinary daily makeup and my hair as per usual myself, and I have nothing to apologize for. But I have to say, it really activated me for a moment.

there is a quote in my book by Maryanne Williamson to this very idea that we are afraid to shine. The quote is often attributed to Nelson Mandela, but he was quoting her. I still struggle with this, Michael, especially now as I've made the decision to be SEEN by people. It's why I've stopped my radio show, as I felt I was playing it small and hiding. The disembodied voice that no one sees. It's time to shine fully. I know I'm not being all that I can be until I can be in front of people and be 100% ok, and I'm still in process.

I think there is a loneliness and an isolation that also comes with this territory. I used to feel that, even though I am VERY warm and approachable, many men felt intimidated by my appearance, and didn't even try. And yet anyone who knows me will tell you, I am so easy to approach.

You have to see beauty as a gift. You have to know that it's one of yours and it's not something to apologize for but to SHARE it with others. I think the hardest part is learning to be un selfconscious about it and to just relax into being yourself. When I do that, and I'm getting better at it, I feel comfortable and my inner beauty takes the forefront. and that, to me, is what I value most. It's our crazy world that seems to value the outer stuff more.

Just keep trying to relax and not focus on it as much as you do because of being self conscious. When that part falls away, you'll feel a lot better. And the only way I've learned to do it, is to practice doing it. Try not to let the distraction of the outer beauty prevent you from letting the inner beauty shine. and honestly, it's a practice. And I'm still wrestling with it!

I hope that helps.

love & blessings,
gina


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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:46 am 
Wow, Spaceman, that's the quote I was referring to!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:49 am 
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Location: The Real World
There is a video of that quote its actually pretty inspiring here is a link

http://www.youtube.com/user/lonegx#p/f/0/GEkz1XK75XE

_________________
~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo


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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 2:10 am 
One more thing, Sir Michael, that I wanted to share with you. When I relax and ACCEPT my beauty and stop feeling self conscious or apologetic about it, an amazing thing happens. I KNOW that when someone looks at me or connects with me, whether it is a man or a woman, that my beauty become a roadway to love for them, that through it, they FEEL something that feels like love, and it's because it's a portal, the way a door is an external portal INTO a room. I am learning that when I stand in and embrace my beauty, not from ego, but from acceptance, then I can serve people and embody love even more profoundly. Embracing it and accepting it is the key. and it's so profound to me that at 48, my beauty in the eyes of others has grown, not diminished, as society would have women believe. And I KNOW it's because of the strength of my inner beauty. But the outer is an important doorway.


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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:00 pm 
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spaceman wrote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson
This is a beautiful quote and one of my personal favourites, every time I hear it is has a profound effect on me.
Sounds counter intuitive but I believe it is very true, the more I live the more I see examples of it everywhere.
Sir_Michael wrote:
I am afraid to shine. I am afraid that I will outshine other people around me. For that I feel guilty and get all conflicted and inhibited.
Related to the above quote, I have a belief that this is societal conditioning.
I am not sure about women, but a lot of the men I have come across have this belief to some degree or another. It is something that is instilled in us young by being set apart when we do shine.
People generally like things to 'fit' and conform, things that do not tend to get more attention and not always in a good way.
This relates to the old saying about the nail that sticks out gets hammered down.

I know myself I have several memories from early life where I did shine and was made to feel quite bad for it, which again is counter intuitive, it is not you but the other people. You shining triggers their insecurities and their way to deal with that is to encourage you to not shine, rather than dealing with their insecurities. If you are still young and impressionable and listen to them rather than watching their actions it can have quite an effect and leave a lasting impression.
It is only in recent years that I have been able to put certain parts of this aside, even though I always believed it was wrong. I have always thought it was good to encourage others to achieve their potential, found it hard to cultivate that in myself - I did push myself but rarely showed others in an overt way what I was capable of. Age is teaching me that that is short changing myself and I am not responsible for their insecurities or issues.

This relates to what Gina said in this very touching passage:
ginacloud wrote:
Now what bothered me was the assumption, and it triggered old stuff about my outer beauty and getting way too much attention for it since I was a child, which is why I began to try to hide it and avoid it. I wanted always to be seen for what was INSIDE me first, for the outer not to matter. I paid attention to how charged I got at the woman's assumption, and a part of me felt, for a moment, apologetic, and like maybe I should have used different pics. Then I stopped myself. That's how I look. I did my ordinary daily makeup and my hair as per usual myself, and I have nothing to apologize for. But I have to say, it really activated me for a moment.
Thank you for writing that Gina, it is exactly what I was describing above.

When this happens to me, I endeavor to be fully present with the emotions and feelings going on within me, to let them surface and fully explore them. Only then will I make a decision, most of the time they pass and I feel more free afterwards (when you realised you had nothing to apologise for). I find this a very cleansing process.
ginacloud wrote:
One more thing, Sir Michael, that I wanted to share with you. When I relax and ACCEPT my beauty and stop feeling self conscious or apologetic about it, an amazing thing happens. I KNOW that when someone looks at me or connects with me, whether it is a man or a woman, that my beauty become a roadway to love for them, that through it, they FEEL something that feels like love, and it's because it's a portal, the way a door is an external portal INTO a room. I am learning that when I stand in and embrace my beauty, not from ego, but from acceptance, then I can serve people and embody love even more profoundly. Embracing it and accepting it is the key. and it's so profound to me that at 48, my beauty in the eyes of others has grown, not diminished, as society would have women believe. And I KNOW it's because of the strength of my inner beauty. But the outer is an important doorway.
Beautiful bit of text Gina, with many gems within.

Acceptance and being present. I find if you cannot accept yourself in a situation it is difficult to be truly present, if you do accept yourself then it becomes a lot easier.

Acceptance also has a different feel to it than ego. Someone who accepts their beauty rather than thinking they are beautiful from an egoic point of view has such a different feel to them - to me.

The outer is the facade people are initially greeted with, if they are put off by that they rarely see the inner. If they are not then it gives them a chance to see what lies beneath the surface. Sadly people tend to judge by outer far too much, rather than seeking to expose the gems which lie within.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 4:58 pm 
^


Last edited by Sir_Michael on Tue Oct 05, 2010 3:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 6:19 am 
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Joined: Fri May 27, 2011 8:04 am
Posts: 971
Location: USA
Bringing this thread back to life. Something stuck out that I felt needed to be highlighted.
peregrinus wrote:
Acceptance also has a different feel to it than ego. Someone who accepts their beauty rather than thinking they are beautiful from an egoic point of view has such a different feel to them - to me.

_________________
introspection, observation, analyzation, repeat


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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2013 9:22 am 
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Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 5:51 pm
Posts: 1849
Location: Laniakea Supercluster
There is no fear of success.

Primarily people experience the fear of what they believe they will have to sacrifice
to be successful. (Secondary gain sabotages success, and keeps people stuck.
Psychologically speaking.)

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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 3:22 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2012 12:54 am
Posts: 411
Location: Levelling up.
Gina Cloud was here?


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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 3:46 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 02, 2010 6:49 am
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Yeah back when Sniper was trying to be all equal opportunity and shit. :lol:

Those were the days. 8-)

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:


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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 4:24 pm 
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Posts: 411
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Heh :D

Wonder why she stopped posting...


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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 6:50 pm 
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Leo wrote:
Gina Cloud was here?
http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... 1810#p1810

http://www.naturalfreedom.info/search.p ... mit=Search

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Sep 09, 2019 7:44 pm 
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Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2012 1:41 am
Posts: 266
Location: Greece
Scott Barry Kaufman: The Quiet Ego
Quote:
I think the best profile is the light triad individual who combines that with higher levels of assertiveness. I think that interaction is going to be most productive.

Healthily express what you need and want, and go for it. Go for it!

One of the potential downsides of the light triad is guilt. Interpersonal guilt. There are a lot of people who are very loving kind, quiet ego individuals who don't want to shine too brightly because others aren't shining as brightly. You see that a lot in the social justice movement. A lot of people almost feel guilty achieving when there are people who are less fortunate. Because they are very compassionate people, it makes sense. These are people who care so much about the people who suffering, sometimes they forget they are allowed to achieve themselves. And then by achieving you can help bring up others.

I think it's good to pair Light Triad with some of the best aspects of the Dark Triad, while getting rid of the worst aspects which is exploitation and constant need for power. The constant need for power sometimes gets in the way of achievement.


Don't be afraid to let go
Quote:
3. Give Up On Playing Small

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

— Marianne Williamson

If you never try and take great opportunities or allow your dreams to become realities, you will never unleash your true potential.

And the world will never benefit from what you could have achieved.

So voice your ideas, don’t be afraid to fail, and certainly don’t be afraid to succeed.

_________________
The opposite for courage is not cowardice, it is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow.


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 Post subject: Re: Afraid to Shine
PostPosted: Mon Sep 09, 2019 8:22 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 5:51 pm
Posts: 1849
Location: Laniakea Supercluster
Catch yourself!
Fear of delayed failure appearing as fear of success:

If I do X and I succeed, then I may lose X,
and then I'll be even a bigger mooncalf.


People will be jealous of my success, therefore,
I will be even greater failure.


Round and round, fear of failure, through backdoor enters...

_________________
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♖♘♗♕♔♗♘♖


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