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The attraction code - Vin DiCarlo http://naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=222 |
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Author: | sofforte [ Sat May 22, 2010 9:14 am ] |
Post subject: | The attraction code - Vin DiCarlo |
I've done a little summary of his ebook by saving the parts that I've found interesting to my journey. take a look! Reflect for a second on the nature of your thoughts. Sometimes they may be thoughts of comparison, quantification, desire or regret. Occasionally the odd silence or joy pops in, but if you’re like most men I meet, your thoughts consist of judgments of others, criticism of yourself, eforts to understand and control your world, comparisons of your value to others, rehearsals of how you will look cool or impress others, how you will explain your mistakes to maintain status, desires of achieving: getting this girl or that girl, regretting losses, mistakes, embarrassment in front of others from your past. Dominant men think differently than most. So the Attraction Code has something to do with how a man THINKS. So if you meet a woman, she doesn’t necessarily know where you stand in the social hierarchy. She makes unconscious judgments to determine your status in two ways. The first way is by looking at how others respond to you. this is why women go crazy for rock stars, celebrities and other men in positions of power. The second way is to observe your actions and your verbal and non-verbal communication so that it is not your actual status as determined by the group tha t’s important but your perceived or internal status. Her awareness is so fine-tuned that she assesses men in a split second. While an understanding of dominance may serve as a great foundation for learning the Attraction Code, it’s not enough to beat your chest, drag a woman to your cave and claim her as your own. She is looking at your character instead of your cool haircut or your fancy watch. Remember: A man’s value is in his character. In other words, she is testing something else, and is probably a characteristic that has evolved over millions of years. We cannot trust modern science or even the latest psychology to point us in the right direction. We must look elsewhere and ultimately find a solution which (..) gives us the dominance necessary for attraction, Humans have been mating long before language has even existed. So we know that body language and other physical cues are much more signiicant than language. However, an attractive man is not constantly THINKING about these things, they just happen automatically. He must be thinking about something else… THE NEW ALPHA the nature of dominance shifted from physical strength to internal character traits. here are two very important things to understand here. First, the dominant male is not a self-serving bully, but an altruistic leader, who takes on the responsibility of the group’s survival. Second, a man is domi- nant, not because of his size or aggressive nature, but because of his mind and how he thinks. The focus of attention of a good leader is on the well-being of his group. ACT CIVILIZED . Yes, laws and traditions have been developed to keep women from being promiscuous. Promiscuous women were branded as witches in Europe and colonial America, and tortured to death. Women were now forced to live under diferent rules that were incongruent with their natural biology. And although this period of time lasted thousands of years, it was still far too short to make deep biological changes in women’s sexual receptivity. Instead of expressing their sexuality in an honest, healthy way, women do the same things men do. hey buy stuf because they are told they need it be attrac- tive to the opposite sex. ONE TEAM , ONE DREAM . When you turn women into concepts, it’s impossible not to see them as opponents to be conquered. Women are not your opponents. they are your teammates. HOW WOMEN SEE MEN Imagine desperately wanting sex and having to balance that with wanting to find a man you can trust. But since she is so vulnerable and is investing and risking so much she has to make sure she takes that risk of having sex with her best option – a dominant man. But she can only interpret who you are by making inferences based on your character. Your character is conveyed by your physical behavior and your emotional state. A big part of your character is actually determined by your frame. In order to understand what I mean by frame, imagine two men watching a sunset with diferent colored sunglasses on. they’ll see diferent colors though they’ll be looking at the same thing. She needs to know if you have a mind geared for survival. Do you get distracted by the opinions of others? Do you feel threatened by women? Do other men make you nervous? Do you emotionally unstable causing you to be unduly afected by circumstances? From the moment she is aware of your existence, she is screening your character. And when you pass the tests, the sequence looks more like this: - Feeling of slight Attraction. - testing. - Attraction spike. - reflex compliance. - Backwards rationalization and cognitive dissonance. All of this can happen below her awareness in an instant. THE 4EP MODEL OF PERSONAL EXPRESSION We need to first understand the structure of our personality from the inside out. Starting at the most fundamental level, resides your intention and purpose. this is the most basic “you.” The low that governs the expression of your intentions can be broken down into four distinct elements: Intention > FOCUS > STATE > Expression Intention: Your intention is your core purpose. It is the desired result you are trying to achieve in a short term or long term period. It includes the wishes you’ve had since you were young, the vision you hold for your future and the emotional experiences you strive to create. Your intention is a function of your identity and most far reaching goals. Focus: Your focus is deined as where you are placing your attention. For example, when interacting with a woman, is your attention focused on worrying how you’re being perceived, or is it focused on being curious about her? Having control over your focus is something that is learned. State: How you feel in your body. This includes your emotion as well as how you physically feel. Do you feel refreshed and energetic, or do you feel inhibited and weak? your state is the element that is most susceptible to outside influences. It is also the element that is most responsible for causing blockages in your expression. Expression: Your expression is the outer most realization of your behaviors; what other people see, and how they perceive you. In an ideal situation, your expression would be identical to your intention, and you would get the exact results you want. Your core intention flows to wherever you focus your attention. Your focus of attention then determines your state. Your state afects the fullness of your expression. If this process is so simple, then why do people have such diiculties expressing ‘who they really are’ and getting the things in life that they want? It is because of state-frictions that manifest themselves in life. These frictions directly afect your state and cause a major blockage in your personality – so even if your intention is perfect, your expression can still be suppressed. ever play a game of “telephone” as a child? the fun of this game is when the end phrase is much diferent than the original because of cumulative errors in relaying the correct message. It has been distorted. your personal expression works the same way. Although your intention may start out great (you are well meaning, and simply wish to connect with a woman and get to know her on an intimate level), you may not understand how to focus your attention or handle your state- frictions and thus your intention may become distorted along the way. Uploaded with ImageShack.us Do not try to “remove” these frictions, (just accept that you will never completely remove them) and never, ever, under any circumstances wait until they are gone before interacting with women. You will simply learn to handle them and in a sense, become impervious to them by making small adjustments to your focus. THE QUICK AND DIRTY G U I D E TO M A N U F A C T U R I N G CONFIDENCE I have some news for you. It may be shocking to you, or perhapsit’s obvious. Conidence doesn’t really exist. It is nothing but a feeling that you have when you have the right focus, and the perceptions that others will have of you when they see you behaving with that focus. F O C U S . I’M A B O U T TO HAND Y O U THE I N S T R U C T I O N MANUAL F O R YOUR MIND your attention never stops. It is your awareness. It can’t be shut of or lowered, only directed. think of your intention and attention as a lashlight. Your attention is the light, and your intention is where you are pointing the light. What you pay attention to determines your reality. there is another side to paying attention – pulling attention away. Attention is energy and when you pay attention to something, you feed it. What you ignore is just as important as what you attend to. hink about a time when you were teasing a friend of yours. Instead of defending himself, he ignored you completely and continued doing what he was doing. Chances are he left you alone with your silly behavior, and you felt stupid. You probably immediately quieted down. 1. the focus of your attention determines your reality. 2. you have the ability to gain conscious control over what you pay attention to therefore, You have the ability to gain conscious control over your reality. THE M I N D IS LIKE A VACUUM . AND Y E S … THAT’S A GOOD T H I N G Your mind can only focus on one single idea, thought or focus at one time. For everyone else, the moment you close your eyes, relax and start to clear your mind, thoughts will begin “popping in” as if being sucked into the empty space, into the vacuum. Your focus is the exact same way. If you do not have an efective focus in your mind in a certain situation, anything – a focus learned from a movie, a focus you observed in a friend, or a focus derived from external cues may suddenly “pop in” to your consciousness. And chances are, that focus won’t be very efective. It will begin to have detrimental efects on your state and ultimately your expression, resulting in inefective communication. the way to prevent this is to have a focus already in your mind going into the situation. If it is there, and you are comfortable with it, that focus will “occupy” your mind and the next time some other focus tries popping in, it won’t be able to; you have already safeguarded your mind from any detrimental thoughts. I remember having a girlfriend in college and whenever she was out at a bar or at a party my focus would always be like “I wonder what she’s doing right now” or “I hope she’s not talking to guys” etc. D E V E L O P I N G AN I N V I N C I B L E STATE you may have heard people say that meeting women is “state based”. You may have even experienced it yourself. You might go out one night feeling great and get phenomenal results, and then later go out in a worse mood and do terrible. Yes. It’s true. If your state is suppressed, distorted or otherwise not optimum, you will have a very hard time expressing your true intention. THE T H R E E FRICTIONS Friction #1: Attention Fixation humans only focus 10% of their full attention in the present moment. Most people have their attention spread out, with portions of it locked up in past failures, imaginary irrational fears and future outcomes that they are attached to. the mind is busy. We judge ourselves, doubt ourselves, and compare ourselves to others. All this is useless. I was recently teaching a DiClassiied Drills Bootcamp in Chicago and one of my clients was talking to a smoking hot blonde girl at a private loft party. A few minutes in, another guy, who was a friend of hers, approached her and started talking to her. My client froze, stood there facing them, with his attention ixated on their conversation. I could almost read his thoughts exactly; “What if she likes him better? When will he leave her alone? What will happen to ME?” His state dropped immediately and I could tell that he felt an inner shift, a loss of control, and a wave of tension illing his body. I snapped my ingers in front of his face and said “Come back!” Get back to the present. Get back to reality. We’re all here waiting for you, and yes it is a safe and friendly place. Welcome home. You have to be aware of your attention. You have to train it, almost as if it is a separate entity that has a mind of its own. You should always keep your attention lowing. Never allow it to get stuck on anything – whether it is a girl, an outcome, a past failure, or even a past success. He said “If you mess up or play the wrong note, fuck it! It’s done man, you can’t go back to that. he river keeps lowing. Stay in the present!” Friction #2: social Pressure If you have ever seen a woman you were attracted to and not approached her, you have felt social pressure. Social pressure is the physical sensation that stems from the real or imaginary conlict between your intention and the intentions of the people around you. It also includes the real or imaginary conlicts between your opinions and the opinions of others. Notice I said real or imaginary. It doesn’t even matter what intentions or opinions other people actually have, all that matters is what you believe their intentions and opinions to be. Social pressure is amplified when you are around someone who is dominant to you. People subconsciously act in ways to please the dominant igures in their life, even when those igures aren’t physically present. In other words, if you go out with a friend who is dominant to you, you may find it difficult to “be yourself” or demonstrate your true desires and go after what you really want. But if you want to release yourself from the powerful grip of social pressure, you need to adjust your focus. It’s easier than you think. he irst step is to realize or convince yourself that most of the time people aren’t judging you. they are far too concerned with their own problems and insecurities to be thinking about yours! I had a client recently tell me that before I adjusted his focus he used to walk around every day with severe social anxiety – and just by changing his focus to “What can she contribute to my life?” his anxiety completely disappeared. Friction #3: Intention-Violation If Friction #2 is deined as violating the intentions of others, Friction #3 is deined as violating the intention of your self. Whenever you act in a way that is counter to your ethics, that violates your intention or deviates from your path, it will afect your state. A strong intention is realized as stillness of focus and your ability to stay connected to your life purpose. You can strengthen your intention by cutting out short-term indulgences that don’t serve this purpose. Every time you say “no” to these things you build your internal power and give yourself future momentum. And future pleasure is more important than now pleasure. How do you spend your time? How much of your time is spent on unhealthy food, laziness and distracting activities? In your mind you know that you are cheating yourself. You are diminishing your own personal power. T H E HIGHEST L E V E L OF S T A T E CONTROL the highest level of state control is no state control. Your state is an overall feeling but is actually comprised of both internal emotion and an accompanying physical feeling. his state guides us and motivates us to do or not do certain things. Your state is determined by your focus and the amount of training or experience you’ve had maintaining it while exposed to the three state frictions. When time is spent in a state it reinforces that state and makes it more and more frequent. People who are angry all the time are that way because they practice an “anger” state every day. hey always seem to end up in situations that make them angry. And just like you can be addicted to bad states, you can be addicted to good ones too – like joy, enthusiasm or playfulness. When these positive states are predominant, it makes it harder for the negative ones to creep in… but be careful about being too attached to these positive states. your attachment to any particular state is ultimately limiting. the very concept of “state” is a static deinition. In other words, if you are playful because it’s your habit and you’ve had success with it in the past, you may have a tendency to always default to that state no matter what the situation is. And yes, in most cases, it is far more efective than being “sad” in most situations, but remember that pick-up, and life in general is dynamic and requires you to be emotionally flexible. Attachment to a state, even a good one can prevent you from learning a new way of interacting with the world. One thing that I learned from the science of neuro-feedback is that all static states are actually considered dysfunctional. When you reach a very high level of personal evolution, all static states will actually start to drop away. You will no longer have attachment to deinite states and will low from moment to moment improvising and creating a wonderful internal reality. A U T E N T I C I T Y What is truly limiting your expression is actually caused by your own mind and self doubt, but is usually perceived as an outside force. You may perceive others as judging you, attacking you, holding you down. You feel the urge to do something, to express yourself fully but you fear some kind of repercussion, some kind of judgment or imposed limitation. You hold back. Your expression is distorted. Distorted expression can come out one of two ways. the first way is that your expression is stiled or inhibited. this will come across timid, weak or just plain strange. the second way is through adopting a persona. there are many diferent kinds of personas, but they are all masks: they hide your true self, and present a distorted version of your expression. Personas are really distractions; a guy is playing enough of a character such that he is distracted from the uncomfortable state he is in. (His state is uncomfortable only because he has not trained his focus to deal with the hree Frictions) Personas are masks that we wear when we want to interact with someone, but we fear their disapproval. they are false personalities that we resort to in the face of social pressure. Sometimes a persona will manifest as a ‘shy guy’. his is a timid, weak man who is protecting himself from rejection. He talks quietly, and stands too far away when he tries to talk to a group of people. Sometimes a persona can manifest as a player vibe, or a macho act. A guy can be scared that his true self is not good enough, so he overcompensates. He will put on his ‘player-mask’ or his ‘tough-guy mask,’ or even his ‘Energizer Bunny party-guy mask.’ there are endless masks guys wear. It takes a lot of self-relection to see what yours is. In the early stages of learning this stuf, I needed the trained eye of mentors to reveal mine to me. Even though the persona may feel comfortable to the person using it, when they approach a woman or interact with other people in general, it is usually very obvious. Not that the observers are saying to themselves “his guy is using a persona” but instead, they just feel that something isn’t right. here is a very obvious lack of authenticity. And when I say authenticity, I don’t mean being honest, I don’t mean being the “real you” and I don’t mean you are showing your true feelings immediately to a woman. When I talk about being authentic I just mean that you are communicating your pure intention with little interference from your state. You are operating under the Attraction Code and your four elements of personal expression are aligned. When you are communicating in this way people will respond positively. hey will react in ways consistent with your intention. T R A N S P A R E N C Y AND F R E E D O M OF E X P R E S S I O N Ideally, your expression should reach a level of transparency. You can think about transparency as being defenseless, exposed, or even naked. You do what you do fully, indiferent to what others think. You don’t wear a mask to hide your true self. Your expression is completely exposed to the observation and judgment of others. You don’t defend yourself before others can attack you. You freely express yourself with your language, facial expression and body so that people can feel you fully. Your personality is naked. When this happens, don’t be surprised if certain people begin to detest or criticize you. he same thing happens to musicians, artists, actors, and politicians – people who have put themselves out there, expressing themselves fully. People have a love-hate relationship with expressive individuals. That is why people become critical; they are jealous because they want to express themselves, but just can’t seem to (or don’t know how to) let go and drop their masks. My hope is that you will continue to let go of your mask. It takes some real strength and dedication, but the rewards are tremendous. T H E END R E S U L T OF I N T E R N A L I Z I N G THE A T T R A C T I O N CODE Full realization of the Attraction Code means that your intention is fully expressed in all situations despite the external frictions on your state. |
Author: | peregrinus [ Sun May 23, 2010 11:05 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The attraction code - Vin DiCarlo |
Nice writeup sofforte, Thank you for taking the time to put it together and contribute. Can I suggest you read this post : http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=197 in regard to authenticity, transparency and masks |
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