Thanks grinus. You're right. It's how we get back on that matters. I've internalized that
Midas, after some good thinking I did realize what it was that got me. It was the connected sex. And my attachment to it. I'm a very sexual person from the get go and so was she. But we connected physically like nothing else I've ever experienced (she said the same and her actions backed it up as far as I could see. Always wanting to rip my clothes off everywhere)
I even slept with other women during some of our "intermissions" ha and it wasn't the same as with her. We hardly used condoms when we were together. I remember the first time we didn't use a condom, I swear my soul connected to her
haha yeah, a little exaggerated, but you know what I mean.
I played it cool too, didn't say a word to her (couldn't let her know the sex was that good) but THEN SHE DESCRIBED THE EXACT SAME THING THAT I HAD FELT! In almost the same words. I couldn't believe it and thought I had an X factor
I became rather attached to it. I can see it clearly now in hindsight. That's when all the other shit creeps in. Fear of losing her (and the amazing sex and connection that I couldn't seem to find elsewhere), insecurities, questions etc etc. Shit that I had handled (or thought I had handled earlier)
So I guess it's back to the gym. Back to the pushups
(mentally AND physically)