Natural Freedom

Forum for the natural awakening and self-realization of men
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 Post subject: G'day
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 8:48 am 
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G'day All,

Having read a few of the topics here, I am impressed with the knowledge and further resources and advice made available by members of this forum. Good work and long may it continue.

A little about myself. I am of that age where I have had three long term relationships, the latest of which terminated three years ago after 16 years and produced a baby boy who is now a young man of 14.

The only plan I had in the eventuality of my last relationship ending was to off myself. I knew that relationship would end eventually because deep down I knew I was a selfish, blue pill addicted, mangina asshole chode but I neither wanted to, nor was capable of helping myself. Such was the state of my mind, body and spirit. It would take the grim reality of planning my suicide, a long distance but close friendship and timely external intervention brought together by serendipity to stay my execution.

Fast forward three years and that little pin hole of light in the tunnel is now a reasonable sized opening and while I am still in the tunnel, I can now see blue sky in the distance and the tunnel itself is significantly more illuminated. The fun thing is though the tunnel is more like a rabbit hole with branches going off all over the place. Explore and learn.

The most important thing I have is a mission. My son is my raison d'etre. I am training myself as an example for him.

My journey over the last few years has been interesting to say the least. It has been dark, hard and tough. And I will tell you they have been the most rewarding and fulfilling years of my life. The scales are falling from my eyes as I seek the facts and truths and work to integrate them into my life.

So a path has now led me to this forum. Another useful resource with solid citizens to cross-pollinate with. I would like to contribute what resonates and assists me as appropriate while gleaning the gems as offered by others.

Thank you for reading and you can do me a favour by calling me out on any bullshit if you see it that way.

Cheers,
at0m

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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 8:52 am 
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Welcome,
Very cool.

I was also suicidal in the past, my depression got really bad. Then I sat down, decided I cannot live this way and thought I had to figure out the reason why I had this depression.
Then I did, and it disappeared forever, never came back, it's been 4 years or so.
I Suggest you learn how to face your demons (there is lot of methods), if you'Ve never really deeply done this before, believe me you have no concept of what's possible for you.


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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 9:41 am 
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Thank you fufe,

Wise advice. One of the resources which has helped me is the Fearless Man channel on youtube run by Brian Begin. Some of his short videos on releasing and grounding have been instrumental in me finding ways to overcoming any "demons" as they arise.

While the videos are pretty much promos for paid courses he does drop enough meat and potatoes for further exploration if you are a capable autodidact.

So going down the Brian Begin rabbit hole has led me to Letting Go by David Hawkins and the Sedona technique and other similar methods. This is something I practice just about everyday as shit pops up. I must say though I have found Brian Begins' very brief videos on this subject the most useful. Possibly because of the simplicity of just experiencing stuff and letting it do its thing without getting in its way.

I think this was made easier for me because for a year I studied and absorbed the concepts in the book Mindfulness For Beginners by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I borrowed it from the library over and over and over again and even typed out the whole book to digest the words and gestate the practice. This gave me a grounding to be able to be present for the "demons" to arise and to experience and accept them and to let them go. Sometimes it took awhile, sometimes not and I know some have been touched on and are still lurking but I am aware and am happy to be patient.

This was all built on a foundation of solid exercise. I became very fit and still keep it up. Also I started doing volunteer work at a zoo - animal therapy LOL.

Plus my doctor put me on a 12 month mental health plan where I had monthly meetings with a shrink. This helped and gave me tools to handle the daily crap.

I'm not sure how deep I have gone but I do know that this work will never be over. Something will always pop up and need to be addressed. And I will do the work and keep moving forward everyday.

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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 9:51 am 
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Hey that sounds pretty cool.

Have you considered going directly after them ? Not only waiting for them to arise


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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 10:32 am 
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Yes sometimes I do however there is no shortage of "stuff" so it keeps me busy on an almost daily basis.

If I am feeling a bit antsy for a period of time, e.g. a few days in a row and I can't pin it down I will make a concerted effort to resolve it. The interesting thing here is every Monday night I attend a yoga group and that is usually where I get a sudden inspiration or the "aha" moment relating to what I am brooding on and after yoga go straight home and deal with it.

So yoga or meditation and even while swimming laps in the pool can get you in the zone. Sometimes it can take numerous attempts, chipping away little bits at a time. Other times it's just one big explosion, or it's like a long slow leak, or it could be a brief but very aromatic fart. And sometimes I can be secluded for days processing stuff on an industrial scale - I have customised a very specific technique which works for me. But I always ensure I emerge on the side stronger.


The hardest part is actually identifying what you are going after. You know you have a general unease but you can't identify it. How do you go about it? How do you directly go after your "demons" if you don't know what they are?

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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 11:35 am 
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Cool. I tried metiation, but it doesn't do anything for me, I am much better of proactively doing inner work with eyes open, in the moment even.

I Also developed my own technique

I also sometimes don't know what I am going after, pinpointing it - sometimes I just work it out anyways, sometimes I forget about it and work on something else
I just somehow work it out in the end, lol.
My goal is to be able to have sex and to be able to have a working relationship - I do want kids in the future (I am 27 now).
I did have sex couple times, I can have sex with INFP women, for some reason, but other than that, not possible.
I have released I'd say now maybe even a hundred or couple hundred issues around sex I picked up from my parents - Their relationship was pretty fucked up, for example I didn't understand subconsciously how women can like men, I still don't fully. And there was lot of pains and darkness around it, you can't imagine lol (or can you ?)

Longest streak of inner work I did was 16 or so hours straight on a Saturday, once this guy Flow (also present on this forum) didn't believe me so he challenged me to record myself for 8 hours doing whatever I was doing
So I did lol

Also for me the progress is quite measurable, because when there is release of something I can feel the change very well and the problem disappears - often second later I cannot remember what I was working on

Often it is a simple short sentence, like "She will get me", that seems to be connected to some form of feeling etc, and when I discover it the problem dissolves.


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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 1:30 pm 
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Interesting. Yeah I think there is no one size fits all method. What tends to work best are those things which resonate and you can then adopt them as your own, play around with them and modify/customise them for personal preference. So it sounds like we are not too far off each other, and maybe even other people, in terms of dealing with shit. Or maybe it's my part-Czech roots going back 5-6 generations...

INFP women only? Hmmm interesting... I know I'm a basorexic sapophile so maybe there is a psyche matrix profile for that but I get turned on easy enough by any woman I am attracted to and where there is a spark so that's not a problem.
Quote:
hundred or couple hundred issues around sex I picked up from my parents
Wow, no I can't imagine that many issues around parents and sex. Sure I have had issues and still have a couple of ongoing ones within that topic but nothing that can't be handled and certainly nothing to your degree.
Quote:
I didn't understand subconsciously how women can like men, I still don't fully
If I can paraphrase what you are saying so that I can fully understand what you are saying I reckon that would mean "I don't have an intellectual understanding of the biological drive that attracts women to men."

Now hopefully someone can call me out if I fuck this up but I reckon the primary drive in humans or any alive thing for that matter is to ensure the survival of the species. This means having babies. Perhaps you feel you were not valued as a baby by your mother even though she engaged in the process to have you. This results in the question: why are women attracted to men if they don't like the end result? So it does not compute in your brain.

The preceding paragraph is but wild speculation and could be complete bullshit but ya never know...

Around the intellectual "understanding" part, I learnt and am still learning about getting out of my head and into my body (Brian Begin again). To me this means feeling something rather than thinking something. The brain, the mind can be such a self defeating fucking tormentor that in matters relating to women its easier to feel them than understand them.

This is where the grounding stuff comes in. Feeling all the body parts below your neck, particularly around the gut for that "gut feeling" or intuition. Feeling solid in your core and legs, feeling connected to the earth, having a strong centre of gravity. Watch Trent Reznor in Nine Inch Nails - rock of Gibraltar operating from his deep core.

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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 2:27 pm 
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Cool that you have czech roots. My genes are like 6 nations combined lol

Actually it's the opposite, intellecutaly I can somehow convince myself that women do like men, but I don't have the underlying feeling confirmation behind it.
Subconsciously I learned that my mother didn't like my father - she probably really didn't, it was really weird - and it seems to have formed the subconscious belief that women are not attracted to men, sexually and other ways too I think

You probably feel some kind of good-feeling cofirmation when thinking about woman having relationship with a woman or something like that. I don't, I feel non-pleasant things and my mind analyses it right now as "Ok, they don't like it"
So now I focus on the feelings that I feel there and look for solution, when I find the truth it changes by itself to it's natural form

I Think the marriage was her escape card from her parents, mainly her father

Cool that you do all of that body-feelings, most of my work happens in the imagination and looking at things, sometimes finding the exact reason why I felt/believed something that way


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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 8:45 pm 
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For some reason I wrote "woman having relationship with a woman" lol
Seems like subconscious slip, because I know lot of bisexual women, there is more of them in my social circle than the heterosexual ones I think lol.


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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2018 3:24 am 
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Quote:
feel some kind of good-feeling cofirmation when thinking about woman having relationship with a woman or something like that. I don't, I feel non-pleasant things and my mind analyses it right now as "Ok, they don't like it"
Yes, I feel it in my guts and my groin. That's what leads me. I try not to analyse as that blocks flow. That's why it's important to get out of your head and into your body.

That doesn't mean I ignore any warning flags or am mindless. I try to use my mind, my brain, my thoughts to consciously articulate what my body is feeling or to consciously command my body as required rather than allow my mind to unconsciously dictate to my body.

If all else fails then play Rob Zombie's The Electric Warlock Acid Witch Satanic Orgy Celebration Dispenser. Loud. Really loud. Feel it, lose yourself, dance, go berserk. Go through the whole album and then play track one again "The Last Of The Demons Defeated".

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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2018 10:17 am 
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at0m wrote: *
The Electric Warlock Acid Witch Satanic Orgy Celebration Dispenser
Lol :lol:

For me my methods never fail. It's always only a matter of time.


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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2018 3:34 pm 
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Welcome at0m,

Sorry for interrupting the convo :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2018 11:36 pm 
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Quote:
It's always only a matter of time.
Yes. Moment by moment.

Dali, thanks for the welcome ...and the interruption :P

~

Been going through some more threads here and hit one that really resonated so will post a response in the appropriate topic. All good.

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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2018 2:13 am 
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fufe wrote: *


Actually it's the opposite, intellecutaly I can somehow convince myself that women do like men, but I don't have the underlying feeling confirmation behind it.
Stripes... it's another vicious circle.

https://youtu.be/b28yDGJCQIU?t=420

and welcome At0m

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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2018 8:34 am 
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Jared wrote: *
Stripes... it's another vicious circle.

https://youtu.be/b28yDGJCQIU?t=420

and welcome At0m
Yeah, but when I let go of the subconscious stuff, this circle will disappear


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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2018 10:59 am 
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The capability to reproduce any _________ itself remains.
That's just what the human/doge condition is. 8-)

The body, the sensations, play it like an instrument, if you will.

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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2018 1:59 pm 
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I am not going to force sex to have kids and cause myself, the other person and the kid so much trauma like my father did. Absolutely not


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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2018 2:51 pm 
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I've visualized most of the worst outcomes.
I've visualized most of the best outcomes.

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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2018 2:57 pm 
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If that's meant to say I do not know the outcome - I've tried too many times for sex without getting even close, only exception being INFPs like I always mention
Either your method's just do not work for me (imho because of major personality difference), or you trying to communicate a point I do not get


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 Post subject: Re: G'day
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2018 3:00 pm 
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Do you mind?

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