Interesting. Yeah I think there is no one size fits all method. What tends to work best are those things which resonate and you can then adopt them as your own, play around with them and modify/customise them for personal preference. So it sounds like we are not too far off each other, and maybe even other people, in terms of dealing with shit. Or maybe it's my part-Czech roots going back 5-6 generations...
INFP women only? Hmmm interesting... I know I'm a basorexic sapophile so maybe there is a psyche matrix profile for that but I get turned on easy enough by any woman I am attracted to and where there is a spark so that's not a problem.
hundred or couple hundred issues around sex I picked up from my parents
Wow, no I can't imagine that many issues around parents and
sex. Sure I have had issues and still have a couple of ongoing ones within that topic but nothing that can't be handled and certainly nothing to your degree.
I didn't understand subconsciously how women can like men, I still don't fully
If I can paraphrase what you are saying so that I can fully understand what you are saying I reckon that would mean "I don't have an intellectual understanding of the biological drive that attracts women to men."
Now hopefully someone can call me out if I fuck this up but I reckon the primary drive in humans or any alive thing for that matter is to ensure the survival of the species. This means having babies. Perhaps you feel you were not valued as a baby by your mother even though she engaged in the process to have you. This results in the question: why are women attracted to men if they don't like the end result? So it does not compute in your brain.
The preceding paragraph is but wild speculation and could be complete bullshit but ya never know...
Around the intellectual "understanding" part, I learnt and am still learning about getting out of my head and into my body (Brian Begin again). To me this means feeling something rather than thinking something. The brain, the mind can be such a self defeating fucking tormentor that in matters relating to women its easier to feel them than understand them.
This is where the grounding stuff comes in. Feeling all the body parts below your neck, particularly around the gut for that "gut feeling" or intuition. Feeling solid in your core and legs, feeling connected to the earth, having a strong centre of gravity. Watch Trent Reznor in Nine Inch Nails - rock of Gibraltar operating from his deep core.