Natural Freedom

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 Post subject: Hey, I'm Profectus
PostPosted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 10:49 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 4:46 pm
Posts: 6
What's up folks. I'm Profectus.

Before I go ahead and introduce myself, I'd like to thank The Kidd!! for making all this possible. I registered countless times and I just couldn't get my account approved. Through a stroke of pure luck I was able to contact The Kidd!! and my account finally got approved.

Thank you for your kindness.

Moving on, I'm Profectus and I'm 23. This may become long winded and incoherent. For that I apologize in advance. Let's just say life isn't moving in the direction I'd like it to move in. I'm having a hell of a time trying to tame my mind. It's an endless battle against my own worst enemy. Me. I don't suffer from depression or anxiety but I'm struggling to get myself to function at a high level. I've developed a world view that is terribly restricting. My beliefs just don't serve me well. I procrastinate a lot and I'm generally undisciplined. There's things I know I need to do in order to succeed in life but I struggle getting myself to do them.

I have used many different productivity systems and virtually everything you can mention but I lack consistency and discipline. I didn't go to university because I had a business I wanted to run but I just haven't been able to get it off the ground (mostly due to lack of discipline and consistency). I've tried to change my beliefs using NLP and other stuff but that hasn't worked for me.

To make a long story short, I need to work through a few issues. I feel there may be deeper underlying reasons as to why I can't get myself to kick into high gear and a lot of what is said on this site may help me to get there. I know that I have wasted 5 years lying to myself that I'd succeed and work for myself but I have nothing to show for it so far. Deep down I worry that if I cross that chasm and manage to create income for myself, will I be disciplined enough to sustain it? Could I cope with the new demands placed upon myself?

I know one thing though. I HATE working for someone else. I've been doing it for the past few years in a job many would consider comfortable, in a relaxed environment. Yet everyday I am there, I wish I was somewhere else. I dream of being my own boss, calling the shots and controlling my destiny, yet I a part of me doubts if I could handle that sort of responsibility.

Financially, I've got a small overdraft to repay because I've been irresponsible with my money. However, it's something I'm handling as I'm diligently putting away as much as I can each month.

I'm 23 but I have the front and clout of a 12 year old. Anyway, I understand there's a problem and it needs addressing. I've been looking at doing a course in personal training. I have a few people I need to speak to before I take the leap. I need to be sure and not make a rash decision because I'm tired of my situation. This needs more evaluation when my head is clearer.

With girls, I am not doing well as you may have guessed. If I'm honest, it would be nice to have a few pretty young things running around and doing things for me in my life but I am primarily interested in fixing this mess of a situation I've put myself in. A part of me feels unworthy of having them in my life. I mean, I can't even keep my room clean... But another part of me is interested in being totally selfish with my time. I just want to be financially comfortable. I want to prove to myself that I can be independent. I should be living alone but I'm still at home with my parents, totally dependent.

I also struggle with neediness. I'm far from clingy and I genuinely enjoy spending time alone, but my heart jumps and races if a pretty girl looks my way. Sometimes I am genuinely bothered if I'm not getting girls looking my way. I do check my phone every so often if a girl doesn't bother messaging me back and I fear initiating contact with girls. I think the neediness has manifested into a fear of rejection too. I tend to doubt myself in many situations.

The only thing I have going for me is my physique. I'm 5'7 but I have spent some 4-5 years working out and I'm in pretty good shape. This gets me some attention but I've never been approached directly. Maybe because my physique is intimidating? I'm really not that huge but a few female friends have used that word a few times. Some girls leave their numbers for me at work but I am diametrically opposed to any interactions with females if they are in any way linked to my workplace. There is a strong element of fear.

I guess I also fear success because of aforementioned neediness. Suppose I DO succeed, now what? What if she realises I have nothing going on in my life? Suppose she sees my room lol.. yikes. What if she realizes I'm not at all interesting since I am not doing anything interesting?

I neither drink nor smoke and I also hate loud music. I find clubs totally unappealing. Maybe it's because the few times I have been there, I was way too self conscious and hated it. Who knows? I cannot dance very well either so it's just not my kind of scene. In other words, I don't really go out socially. I usually kick back at home. Once in a while my friends will drag me out and we'll do something but it's rarely at a place where meeting lots of people is possible.

I know my writing may suggest otherwise, but I do generally like myself. I just don't like what I've got myself into. I don't like where I am mentally, emotionally, socially and financially. My physique makes me feel good about myself. I get on with people and I know I'm fortunate to be where I am. It's just not where I'd like to be and at times I wonder if I can actually get myself out. Still, I have much hope. I have to begin the slow process of undoing myself and getting out of my own way. I know I can transform myself. I know I can start putting myself in a better position.

There's a lot more that's not been mentioned but I could write a book. I have tried my best to give a synopsis of my situation and where I am. I'm thinking of starting a journal so I can document my journey.

I'd also welcome some general advice. If anyone was in a similar situation, what was the turning point? What actions did you take? A part of me would like to have more women running around in my life but the desire to be solvent and prosperous financially is far more pressing right about now.

Before I go off on another tangent, I'd like to once again thank The Kidd!! and to extend a warm hello to everyone.

To our never ending growth as men,

A warrior in training,

Profectus


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, I'm Profectus
PostPosted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 11:33 pm 
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Stop thanking me you're gonna ruin my assholish reputation. :lol:

Welcome aboard. 8-)

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, I'm Profectus
PostPosted: Sun Mar 31, 2013 3:24 am 
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Profectus wrote:
If anyone was in a similar situation, what was the turning point? What actions did you take? A part of me would like to have more women running around in my life but the desire to be solvent and prosperous financially is far more pressing right about now.
This has me written all over I can understand where you are coming from. I would say the turning point for me was a few key books and articles, especially a book that was recently posted up by Ahk, here is some links in case your interested.

http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... =22&t=1372

http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... =30&t=1983

This particular link here is what confirmed every other lie I was conditioned to believe by my parents and other gullible religious fools.

http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... =22&t=3080

Its only partially translated and I am not sure how long it will take for the rest of it to get done :cry: (I was really enjoying reading this book) , I read every last page and it truly resonated with me about all my thoughts in this world of illusion.

These were my turning points as far as how I now live my life. After reading the last link I truly became indifferent about everything and I'm damn near apathetic with women. Not to say The Kidd!! didn't say any of this before but he never went this deep (in my opinion) as how the female was truly wired. Now I pretty much view life as entertainment nothing more nothing less, as for the actions I have taken I took Kidds!! advice and decided to look within and deal with my inner turmoil and why I am the way I am of course with the help of Grinus it accelerated.

But what really helped me out was this course called Just Allow It if you have any questions about it I recommend you talk to Flow83 he is associated with the creator of that product he will take care of you. As far as lack of discipline and consistency I decided to take up martial arts for this softness and laziness I've developed over the years not that long ago I was in a similar situation just like you but I decided to put my head on straight and take action and live life on my terms, I like to ultimately achieve freedom.

You will find those post here: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=2879

With Martial Arts I have a lot of incentives to really do great here but the most important part about this is that I want to do it and it makes me happy. With my current circumstances improving I am in a better place and with this as The Kidd!! would call it perpetual motion going I keep riding the momentum and things keep getting better which motivates to keep improving a truly beautiful cycle to be caught up in fo' sho.


By the way welcome to the forum may you find your path in life :ugeek: 8-)

_________________
~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, I'm Profectus
PostPosted: Sun Mar 31, 2013 9:33 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:08 pm
Posts: 3337
Location: UK
Welcome Profectus

The road may be arduous, there are many gems, rest stops and viewing platforms along the path. Enjoy the ride.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, I'm Profectus
PostPosted: Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:54 am 
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Profectus wrote:
If anyone was in a similar situation, what was the turning point? What actions did you take? A part of me would like to have more women running around in my life but the desire to be solvent and prosperous financially is far more pressing right about now. [Profectus

It's a normal want.

Your energy is far better spent on furthering yourself, perhaps they will come later or perhaps not at all. The key is to be so completely satisfied with the life that you have created that ultimately the actions or company of others doesn't faze you.

The turning point for me was wow, this sucks I'm not happy with my life and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to be happy about it.

I've put lots of thought into what makes people exceptional and why others never really go anywhere. Everything in life in balance some things even the balance and others throw it off. The reason most people never do fuck all with their life is that the pain of their current situation is never enough to motivate them to make a change.

The "turning point" is when the effort to stuff down another steak dinner is less than the pain of change. Everyone has a different turning point...some people never reach it.

_________________
"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, I'm Profectus
PostPosted: Sun Mar 31, 2013 1:39 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2010 2:06 am
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Welcome to the den brother. Wish you well on your journey.

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"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, I'm Profectus
PostPosted: Sun Mar 31, 2013 7:03 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:54 pm
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Welcome, and I truly wish you all the best in your journey, and that you take the time to savour each step you make, even the painful ones.
Profectus wrote:
I'd also welcome some general advice. If anyone was in a similar situation, what was the turning point? What actions did you take?
Three things:
1) In your post you were brutally honest with yourself. In my opinion that's already a damn good fucking start. Props for that. You've already taken the first step, and may not even have realised it yet. Provided that you haven't omitted anything crucial, you may have given yourself the blueprint for where you need to work on.

2) Read read read. Whatever your blocks are, there is a wealth of information on this forum. I have read countless books on spirituality, and a few on self-help, and there are very few things in those books that I have not found on this site, and they are gone into more in-depth here as well. There are also things in here that I have never come across outside of this site, that are invaluable. But it's a LOT of reading to do. The sooner you get started yadda yadda yadda........

3) Therefore there's nothing for me to advise you on. Still :lol: , I can't resist pointing out how Kidd!! & Grinus' advice to be your own best friend and to do what you like by yourself has pretty much changed my life. For me it started with going to the movies alone (for my experience with this, see http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... 054#p29926). The point is that practicing being your own best friend isn't dependent on going out to clubs (I don't really like 'em either) - or any of the usual stuff that "everyone" does socially. Don't do movies either? No prob - what do YOU like to do that involves leaving the house? Don't say that "there's nothing". That just means you haven't done it. Anything you like to do at home, there's bound to be an activity OUTSIDE that deepens the experience. Me, I am not an art fanatic or anything, but I like to buy books on art and while at home I enjoy looking at the works contained therein. But then I realised - hey! there are art galleries around here. Why not go to one and look around? ALONE? Also, like you, I have always genuinely enjoyed spending my time alone. Surprising how, despite this, you're still clingy, isn't it? Same goes for me. I found out why this is the case, and I postsed about it. As you explore this site, you'll either find my post on this, or someone else's similar experience.........

When all is said and done, find your own way. There's plenty of shit in here to read, and if you have any questions, Kidd!! and Grinus are excellent guides. [Watch out for that fucker Flow83 as well - he's blown my mind on more than one occasion as well. :lol: ]

Enjoy the ride. Welcome.

_________________
"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, I'm Profectus
PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 7:27 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 4:46 pm
Posts: 6
I cannot thank you enough for the support fellas. I know I have a lot of reading to do but your suggestions will help me start somewhere. One thing I dead is information overload, so at-least I now have direction.

Yesterday was a truly revealing day for me. I took total responsibility for my situation. I looked at the choices I'd made in the past and it all made sense. It was a series of decisions and choices that all led up to this point. Many a time, I always looked outside of me for the cause of m circumstances. Now I know that I caused all of it and only I can change it.

With this revelation comes excitement, trepidation and a feeling of slight overwhelm. How does one become different if he does not know any different? Well, that's where this forum comes in. I now have other people's experience to draw upon. I can learn from others and leverage their experience to fast track my growth. My primary goal is to become someone I can be proud of.

To create a life so interesting, rewarding and fulfilling that I can't wait to get up and experience life. To have something I can dedicate myself to and to be challenged. To be high functioning. To become someone who's life is so filled with activity that time becomes a precious commodity that is spent very wisely.

I think I'll start a journal. Let's see how it goes. :)


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